I love to snack. Yeah, that explains my size. I have a sweet tooth, sweeter than yours.
Love yourself before you take the milestone in Committing to somebody else.
Always think of what you have then what you don't have.
Beautifully Imperfect
Sunday, October 31, 2010
its 11.18pm now. Just got home from partying at Bestie's nieces and nephew birthday party. I had a blast. I met boyfriends at the bus stop. Coincidentally, Fayyad and Daus wore purple, Me and Rasul wore brown. We didn't make any plans to wear the same but anyways, again, coincidentally, the theme was barney. hahaha Daus and Fayyad outfits are perfect! We ate and dance and stuff. Bestie's parents supposed to sent us home but we understand. Don't need to feel bad bestie. So Me and boyfirends cabbed home and split the fee. Sent Daus first, Rasul, me and Fayyad last. That Taxi uncle is lucky man. Whatever i had fun and tmr I think i'm gonna shag again! hahaha. I'm alone at home now. The rest are at Wendy's for supper.
11:18 PM
Its' been a while since I've update. I wanted so much to update but I'm 'busy'. You know with school and 'stuff'. As you know, Jonghyun dating news spread like wild fire. I was sad and angry coz he is in the same group as Minho and he can influence others. However, soon after, I'm not angry anymore. I'm just pissed with SM. Well, idols are humans after all, right. They have freedom to make decision for themselves. Only those antis make the situation difficult.
Anyways, 28th NOVEMBER 2010. First Communication with WALI and its non-verbal. happy coz communicate with him, sad because its non-verbal. haiz...
Reflections is getting nearer. 2 weeks to be exact. Practices has becoming better than ever. The dancer was beautiful. I'm awed!!! hahaha..
Till next time. Define next time..hhhaaaa~!
9:50 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2010 "Hi, My name is Ain. What's yours?" 11:41 PM
I'm trying real hard to distract myself from Him. Like really hard. I distract myself by watching Super Junior now. It brings me laughter. But sometimes those laughter won't last long. I need to be stronger each day. Its hard to get over things we love. Even I distract myself to other things, no doubt there still feelings in there.
Left me without Boyfriend. Sad right? But sometimes I think I'm OK with it. Things happens for reason right. Maybe I will get the best Boyfriend in the world and time is payment. haha!
I'm trying to look on the brighter side. its for my own good. No point crying over things that we are not sure gonna be ours.
However, sad news. My girlfriend, Danellia, lost someone precious in her life. Today is her Grandma's funeral. I felt her grief. She is very sad and I really want to be there for her.
Be tough dear friend and don't worry this is the best for your Granny. She will rest peacefully now after so many years of sufferings. Don't cry and smile. Remember your granny is watching you from above. Love ya!
Text her to console her. that is the only thing I afford to do. i hope it helps.
Mama, Ayah and Amirul went to Tanjung Pinang. Today went to town for several purposes. Guess what? Me and Aishah went out with Cik Sidah and Uncle Shah. We like never go out with them like only them there. I thought its gonna be awkward but it turn out to be fun. I can say anything to them because they themselves are young.
Honestly, I also hope to see Shinee on the streets coz they are in Singapore for the Kpop Nite. But no. Obviously! DUH! How can they be on the streets just like that!
Went to Swensens atlast. We had the Ice cream buffet. Cik Sidah said that We have to eat the ice cream till we drop! hahaha. We did drop! All four of us! hahahahahha!
Thanks Cik Sidah and Uncle Shah for bringing us out and Thanks for the meal!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Its raining outside. I'm still trying hard to be optimistic for my own good. Class have been good. You know, new classmates and new facis.
Well, I'm sad when I heard this Jonghyun is not coming to Singapore for the Kpop nite.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010 Today, the strong Ain is gone. I teared again. Tomorrow is the 20th. I know I shouldn't be like this. I'm lost for words.... Now the bright candle is melting real bad.... What I should do? I never ask to be like this. I'm weak again... I tried to distract myself but..... I'm defeated... Should I raise the white flag?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Questions has been running thru my mind since forever... Arhh.. I'm tired.. Anyone, if you read my blog. Please don't ask anything. Just don't ask. Just read and reflect thats all. Please please don't ask. I'm not being arrogant or anything..but lease don't ask..
4:58 PM
This morning I wake up and feel tired. I guess I'm shag. Yesterday night was my worst night. I was so emotional. I think I hold it back for a very long time and yesterday was letting it all go. My pillow is soaked with my wasteful tears. I've been strong for a long time. I have no shoulder to cry on. Thinking back about yesterday is making me tears again. Its hard and I don't know what is hard. He is coming to Singapore on the 20th and I don't know what to expect. Just praying hard.
" Allah, I don't know what else to say anymore. Why you always give me this kind of test. Its getting harder each day! I know I did alot of wrong but I'm just a human being who keeps doing stupid mistake over and over again. I'm tired.. I'm dying inside..I'm still gonna repeat my prayers. I know this is crazy but nothing is impossible right. Please let us meet each other and make things fall without me trying hard. You can open his heart to convert to Islam later right. I can try right?
Please Allah, I'm out of my wits already. If this gonna go on, I'm afraid my friends will see this side of me. And I don't want that. Please......"
The lyrics to tis songs really touches me and these is what I wanted to say to him. Even starting of the monologue is his voice....
Translation to Shinee's LIfe.(this song on the blog)
Oh, when this passing life withers away, you come to me The moment I touch your frozen heart, my life begins
When you’re tired and having a hard time Please let me stay by your side So I can give back to you the love I had only received Before this life ends
When I get on my knees and cry before the world When I stop my tracks inside the storm If you alone are standing I can handle this much pain and suffering (If only you) If only you (Are with me) Are with me
When I lose my way inside the dark forest When my young soul is crying Guide me like a light, like a miracle Before this life ends
When I get on my knees and cry before the world When I stop my tracks inside the storm If you alone are standing I can suppress whatever pain and tears (All I want is you) All I want is you (Only one is you) Only one is you in my life
I won’t cry, I won’t cry again Absolutely nothing can stop me But only one person You make me, you perfect me Oh, you make me able to breath like this
When I get on my knees and cry before the world When I stop my tracks inside the storm If you alone are standing I can handle this much pain and suffering (If only you) If only you (Are with me) Are with me
When I get on my knees and cry before the world When I stop my tracks inside the storm If you alone are standing I can suppress whatever pain and tears (All I want is you) All I want is you (Only one is you) Only one is you in my life
Thursday, October 14, 2010 Today is a very exhausting day for me. David made us think to the core. My brain is squashed! When to Lunch with Hariz, Solha and Zaki. We talk about each other's partner. Suddenly, Zaki question struck me hard. "Ain, we all have partners. When is your turn?"
You ask me that question that I myself don't really know when. I've always jinx when it comes to my love life. I've longed for one but none turn up.
What I read about Minho that whenever he was asked about his ideal girl, he is uncomfortable saying it because he wanted to focus on his career and studies keeps playing in my mind. I don't know the reason why.
He is coming to Singapore on the 20th of October. I'm somehow feel happy and I don't know. I know its crazy asking this but I really hope we meet and something happens. No harm wishing right?
People are stalking them at the hotel where they are staying. People let them have a good trip in Singapore. Don't make them suffer. They are humans after all! 8:54 PM
Yesterday's preview was a short one. But we did practice alot. Of course there's mistake evrywhere.
During the practice before the preview, Ahmad went out of the room and cried. Fazlun comfort him and it was very beautiful scene. It reaches out to me. I tried to hold back my tears but some stubborn little ones just came out unknowingly.
It makes me comes to this, Have Minho ever cried after being a star? like really cried from his heart. Guy will only cry when the things that made them cry is really upsetting. I'm sensitive to seeing guys cried. I can't help to cry as well.
Monday, October 11, 2010 Tomorrow is the first day of Semester 2! Woots Woots! Heehee. I'm so looking forward to start school tomorrow! Thats all..heehee! Tomorrow gonna be a fine day with a new start. Minho oppa, I'm going to start school tomorrow. Hopefully I have good classmates and its gonna be a fruitful one. I'm gonna bring my 'imaginary Minho' to school. 11:08 PM
Minho oppa, why can't this all be true? I know this is crazy, but why it can't happen? I really x39578573849946785728979082757908 times to happen. WHy can't be success in my love life? I want to meet you and meet you as Choi Minho. I try to watch all those fans matchmaking you with other female celebrities so that I'll be stromger. But YOU! you make me weak... Oh Allah, Please make my prayers be true.....PLease! I'm tired seeing people happy with their love life. Now its my turn to have my deserving happiness. 1:07 AM
Wah, Why are you so free? WHy you keep in my head... Aigoo, Sin cha! There's alot of WHYs in my mind..
Minho oppa, Why you? Why I fallen for you? Why I even fall for Kpop? Why it always been like this? Why I can't have you? Why am I ugly and fat? Why I even think about you? Why I cry for you? Why I'm worried/care for you? Why can't god make my dreams come true? Why do I even think about it? Why I feel this way when I see you on screen? Why can't I be a normal fan? Why I imagine about you before I go to sleep? Why do i even pray for your health and well-being? Why,Why,Why?
Oouugghhhh..... Yesterday's party was boring. I expected that kind of atmosphere. It was themed black and white. Yes, everyone was wearing black and white only minor who don't understand black and white.. Faliq was busy entertaining his friends. But he kinda put me off. One, he didn't talk to me only thanks me for coming his party and the present. Two, he didn't introduce his friends to me. I did introduce my friends to him. So unfair on his side.
Why are guys soOOoo not sensitive? Every details are very important to girls. Be it girlfriend, friends, cousin, mother etc. Tsk Tsk Tsk.
After the party we(family) decided to chill out at the airport and we did. I was 'off' on diet. I was starving from the party. Eat hot fudge sundae and nuggets. We talk crap untill 2 in the morning. What a day!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010 To be honest, I'm in a mess for a few days now. Totally deep mess! I don't know who to tell. Part of me said I should just keep it away from others. I want to share but how? Its making me weaker each day. Furthermore, my gpa is not what I expected. But I'm grateful that I'm over the passing line.
But what burden me more is him. Fine I tell you who he is. But I know you will say ' ouh, its another celebrity. She's a fan of him.' No! I'm not his fan!!!!!!
He is Shinee's Minho. The Flaming Charisma.
I think I'm going crazy. If not now, then soon. I talk to him every night on my lappy. I 'full-screen' his normal-not-glamorous photo and talk. I love him as a person. I wish I will know him as Choi minho not Shinee's Flaming Charisma Minho who have girls screaming his name and wish they could dated him.
I wanted to say to Bestie. " Bestie, I'm seriously tired seeing you acting this way. I know break up is painful but it keeps us strong each day. take it that its not your luck. I'm not angry at you. But look around you, there are others who suffer worst. Example me. You have been in love and be love by a man. Look at me, I don't have the opportunity to be in relationship. I've been in love but not be love by a man, yet. I know I will one day, but when? See the big picture? Because of it, I'm in a deep mess. Don't ask me why and I think you know why. Be strong, girl!" 10:06 PM
Tuesday, October 5, 2010 She's just a girl who fight very hard but did not get what she's fighting for. 12:37 AM
